WOOD-E~


I'm so tired.
This Saturday is the last time I am volunteering to help with church events.
It's like you help with one thing & they ask for another then another and another.
I don't offer buy-1-get-everything-free kind of service.
I want as little involvement in church as possible.
I guess I just don't have the heart anymore.
& I think it's redundant to ask me for my reflection during cell groups.
Because I'm just gonna repeat the same damn thing. Then you guys get uncomfortable. So all the more you guys should quite bugging me to go etc.
I won't change like in 1 service or sermon. I wish it was so easy.
Whatever it is, if you're concerned about me as a friend, I'll take it.
Other than that maybe ask me when I've graduated.
I'll have loads of time.

He allegedly fell for me
through an open window
Cracked his chest open
to reveal his heart
still skeptic of my intentions
he made me swear
that I would always be there
I will always be here
-Maria Mena

Today would be how the chinese say it, 一肚子火。
I think it's broken chinese.
But my point is I was damn angry today.
Not because of wasted trip to school.
But how those other people perceive us as the'free-er' people. Fuck all you righteous bitches.
We have the same shit you guys need to do just that we are filling in the theory parts.
Honestly speaking, we can always pull out & still graduate nicely but I don't think I can say the same for everyone.
I'm not talking bout who's more important in the group.
I'm just really pissed that we don't get the due respect.
As if we owe you a great favor.
Fuck, hell no we don't.
Think about it seriously. We have more alternatives if this don't work out.
Will it kill to stop treating us like your dogs?
TIA.

"You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it’s just teeth."
Chuck Palahniuk

& this is so Christine:

"If expressing your opinions on others makes you a bitch, then I’d rather be a bitch than hold everything in."
Samantha Trieu

IT'S OVER.
WHOO, 1/3 of the week's suffering.
The other 2/3 are EVENTS MANAGEMENT (production) & uh Thursday's bloody ppt with Irene regarding STORE INSPIRATIONS. Like she knows what's that.
So today we had a hell of dressing down from all the lecturers & Christine Foong. Awesomeness *big sigh*.
But it's over & there's no point brooding over it because we've got to pick ourselves up and move on. I know feelings were hurt today but be professional about it. We perpetually get screwed every other day, what's new. At least we know what's wrong with us & we can change. I feel that the worse is when the lecturers keep silent and watch us die a slow death. I know I make it sound like its damn easy but really, if we go on putting our emotions on the front line, we'll forever stay as babies. Eat the humble pie, we're not artists, we're designers who eventually will work for people. We all want to be unique, yes, but at the end of the day we've all got to be realistic. I didn't figure this out myself & I'm not trying to give a noble speech. I'm just repeating what my bosses said to me. & I'll never forget it because it brought me further.

Oh wells.
It's such a windy month.
I realized the holidays aren't really meant as holidays.
Still got work & shit but just that it's own time own target sort.
Even before it has started I'm already like, fully occupied?
I need prolly a week to do a solid report for submission when school reopens,
I need least a day dedicated solely to packing for shifting
I need to do Christmas thingies,
I need to develop further on my own collection & hopefully, PRAYING REALLY HARD that Apple doesn't change much so I'm not starting from scratch again,
I need to think about store designs already =\

So you see, it's not like I don't want to join this and that activity in church & what not.
I. am. seriously. really. very. very. busy.
& don't ask me "REALLY MEH" in my face. I swear I'll turn on the dulan face or worse, punch yours.
YEAH.

Look how horrible my eyebags are ZZZ cui

"Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic."
-Bill Watterson

OK.
I think I've been talking shit the past 3 days?
I'm sorry. Just don't know what to post anymore.
Nah, will never get sick of blogging because well, I like to think a lot & I want somewhere to keep it other than my head.
So tomorrow's the last interim critique before the holidays.
I'm quite scared actually. Ok, SHIT SCARED.
Because like what minky says, given 5 minutes isn't enough. I mean of course that woman knows what we're talking about if we speed-present. But the other lecturers don't so = we're slapping ourselves.
AH IDK LAH.
All I know is I had an awesome time with cm & ivy over dinner.
I've been asked twice today about what's love.
Seriously, idk. You'd think that I know because I'm in a relationship & quite a long one in my record. But I can't tell you guys exactly what's love & what isn't. Everyone defines love differently. I know I love gervas because we've been through a lot -how we started isn't easy. My mom, my insecurities, my short comings. & fighting for him to stay in Singapore. We had so many opportunities to call it off but I couldn't, neither could he. I know it's love and not some teeny crush because, hey, I'm willing to push myself and do things I wouldn't do for anyone else in this world. Cheesy, but if he dies, I'll be right behind him. Not saying if you feel like you can die for someone means you love him. I'm just saying that I've never felt this way before in my entire life towards a guy. What about my past relationships? Well, there was only one I was serious about. Though it didn't work out, he'll still be a brother to me. & the rest? -Tragic mistakes.
I used to think there'll be no nice guys out there after one too many failures but you will never know ;)

to conclude,

"I am coming to terms with the fact that loving someone requires a leap of faith, and that a soft landing is never guaranteed." -Sarah Dessen

Lots of love tonight, from us :)

I've been eating popcorn lately.
Because I've been watching movies lately.
& because hubba bought DIY popcorn so he'll pop'em in the microwave and share with me.
We're switching to nachos/cheesdogs/whatever else the next time.
No photos either lately because stress is killing my face.

8 more days :)
I've got so much to do during the holidays that I'm quite scared I'm not able to prepare for school when it reopens.
Like...
PACK MY ROOM FOR SHIFTING
Make cards
Bake Christmas cookies for BTG gang
Do Christmas presents with churchies
PARTEH LIKE A ROCKSTAR \V/ LOL maybe not as hardcore as it sounds

Oh yes, I want to go Diva soon, girls?? ^^